yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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