please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
