I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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