i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
