sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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