i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it because I queefed?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
