Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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