ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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