alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
