My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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