She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
