Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
