just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
