I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
