I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
