I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
