Apparently you make a good broom.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
