its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
