I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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