he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
