Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
