DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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