trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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