I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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