You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
