last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
