Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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