1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
