so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
