maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
