Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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