You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
