She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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