She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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