I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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