If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
