So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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