Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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