I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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