You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
