I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
