I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
