We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
