I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
