Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
