So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
