Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
