I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
