a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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