I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
