That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
