just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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