If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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