found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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