I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
