He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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