Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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