from now on my penis is your penis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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