I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
