It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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