If that was your dad, he is hot
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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