I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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