Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
