Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
