Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
