i just wanna soil my oats bro
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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