You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
