Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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