You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
