I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
