Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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