You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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