I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
