the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
