i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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