woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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