First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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