Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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