2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
