I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
